I believe that every self-development journey leads through finding your “whys.” I believe in this theory because I tested it myself for years.
Only by finding and naming your “whys,” you can finally change them and changing the “whys,” the reasons behind who you are is the only way to change yourselve and your life.
1. step – SELF-REFLECTION
The first step towards finding your “whys” is self-reflection.
It is a skill that all humans naturally possess but not many people use, which is causing them to stand in their way to anything they desire in life.
In my mind I see self-reflection to consist of two activities. One is introspection and second is retrospection.
Let’s now have a look at each of them separately.
The definition of introspection is the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes. These I call the “inner whys” because you observe your inner processes such as how you behave, what your thoughts and emotions are and how you feel – in the present moment or the past.
As I mentioned in the guide HOW TO Become the Best Version of Yourself (BVOY), the reason behind who we are has its roots in the environment we grew up in.
Of course, we are born with certain predispositions and genes. However, I chose to agree with the theory of “tabula rasa” by John Locke claiming that we are born with a clean sheet and who we become is based on the environment and our choices.
Therefore to find the complete “whys,” you not only have to look at your inner persona, but you have to also retrospect. Which is the act of looking back at your past and reviewing the life events and situations you lived through. I call these the “outer whys.”
Combining the “inner whys” with the “outer whys” will give you all the puzzle pieces necessary to create the final picture of why you are who you are.
Stay strong and dont’t give up.
Reliving those moments again and analyzing them is not enjoyable, nor easy.
I myself wanted to quit on searching for my “whys” many times. I found most of them quite quickly, but I knew there are still few of them hidden.
I always tried to go within, but it was too painful, too hard, and for what? I am fine; I can live with knowing and understanding 99% of myself and my life, I thought. And I was wrong.
The puzzle will never be complete without that one piece. You can try ignoring it and pretending like it’s not missing, but the truth is, there will always be that apparent empty space and the more you will refuse to find the last “why” and suppress it inside of you, the more that last missing piece will annoy you.
Be brave, love yourself and respect yourself enough to face all your “whys” and provide yourself with answers.
Never stop searching for your “whys” and try to understand them as it is the only way forward in life and the most critical process in self-development.
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2. step – PATIENCE
When you decide to attempt activity such as finding your “whys,” staying patient is a must.
Patience is often underrated because it might feel like “you are not doing anything”, just waiting.
So remember that patience is also a form of action and there are many things in life that need a certain amount of time to unfold and there is no shortcut you can take.
Some of the “whys”, the reasons behind your actions, feelings and emotions, will be discovered by you easily. Others can take up to years to reveal themselves to you in their full depth.
Every time I meditate I remind myself of the importance of patience.
Its easy nowadays to forget that some things do take time. We all got used to having a lot of things very fast, and we managed to find ways how to skip the “waiting” period.
We can have food within seconds, new clothes within one click, a new boyfriend with one swipe, but for what price?
All the fantastic, quality, valuable and irreplaceable things in life take time, and I am not talking days or weeks, more likely years of patience.
There is no way how to rush or speed up finding your “whys.”
The deepest hidden “whys” take a long time to be discovered as the journey towards finding them is painful and can get a bit sad. It is not always easy to dig through the past.
We all got hurt somewhere on the way and those moments shaped us whether we like it or not. Stay patient and trust the process.
Don’t be fooled by your mind as it will try to defend itself – be ready for it.
The mind will do everything to stop you from searching for the deepest hidden “whys” in order to protect you. But it is only a habit from the time we were in the medieval age, and the mind’s most important task was to keep us safe from danger, change and pain.
Despite not being threatened by the possibility of losing our life, the mind remembers its duty, and nowadays it perceives any change as the biggest danger that it needs to protect us from – and finding “whys” results in change.
That is why your brain will try to stop you from searching for them and it will offer you easy ways out, obvious “whys”, just so you can stop searching and avoid the undesired “dangerous” change.
Remember that change is inevitable.
And only by changing your mind you can change your life and to achieve so, you need to stay patient, not listen to your scared mind and keep searching until you find the real, authentic, raw “whys”.
You can read the full guide on HOW TO Be Patient later.
3. step – TOOLS
When I got on the path of finding my “whys” over five years ago, I couldn’t find any reliable guide, valuable advice or proven method that would help me on this path.
I was alone in my teens, and I wished so badly to find some space where I could get all the answers I was seeking, but I never did.
Feeling confused, angry and disappointed at that time that no one could help me understand myself, why I feel the way I feel and how to change it, I decided to find the answers on my own.
And so I did. Years and hundreds of hours spent on reading books, articles, listening to podcasts, watching videos, attending seminars, webinars, e-courses, you name it.
After six years I have read, listened and learned a lot, so I started to think how could this asset of mine benefit others and then it hit me: “I will create the Ultimate Self Development Space!”
The one I was so desperately looking for and needed myself years ago. I will put my knowledge and experience out there for everyone who wishes to understand themselves and self-develop just like I did.
And here you are one year later reading this little throwback and hopefully getting ready for your own self-development journey with me.
In my SELF DEVELOPMENT SPACE, you can find unique digital tools that I created and tested myself to speed up and simplify the complicated journey of self-development for you.
All digital tools available:
- HOW TO – 3-step guides on dealing with multiple mental obstacles with my real life examples
- Challenges – the most effective tools for continuous personal growth
- Planners – to get 100% out of your days and never forget the essential little things that make the most significant changes in your life
- Subscription plan – 21 DAY Mind Control Challenge to gain the vital and elementary skill for further self-development.
- Courses – to help you on the journey to becoming the best version of yourself (coming soon!)
- Coaching – in case you want my intense assistance and guidance on your journey
- Money From Love – for the moment you are ready to make money by doing what you love.
If you ever want to get in touch directly with me, you can use the Facebook community created to give you a safe space to connect with same minded people and to support your self-development journey.
- The Patience Challenge – is lack of patience standing in your way of achieving goals? Check out the Patience Challenge that I created for you and use it myself every time I feel like I am losing it again. Let me know if you need any help or extra guidance in the Facebook community!
- The Power of Patience: Let Go of Anxiety and Let Things Happen – this article by Cloris Kylie Stock is focusing on the importance of giving certain things and processes in life their time to unfold and clarify. Claris conveniently starts by quoting William S. Burroughs who said: “Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.”
How Self-Reflection Gives You a Happier and More Successful Life – Tracy Kennedy cover the topic of self-reflection thoroughly in this article. You can find out what happens when you don’t self-reflect, what to reflect on, when ideally to do it and much more.
- 87 Self-reflection Questions for Introspection + Exercises – if you have a bit more time and you feel like challenging yourself on a whole higher level, the PositivePsychologyProgram has prepared an extensive list of nearly 100 self-reflection questions for you. Answering these questions will bring you a thousand miles closer to discovering all the “whys”.
Are you ready for your self-development journey?
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